Spirituality and Children
Family Spirituality
This is an especially hard concept to claim. In our age of
diversity and individuality it is hard to find a common definition of
spirituality. We know only that we need it. For some it's
formal worship, for others it is an evening meal indulged in, oblivious of
time. Spirituality is profoundly connected to discovering meaning, and if we
can understand how to activate meaning, we begin to get our own spiritual life.
Discovering meaning we begin to get at our own spiritual life. Discovering,
creating, and assigning meaning to the everyday,
nourishes this kind of timeless spirituality.
Gina Bria, The Art of Family.
Spirituality in
family life starts with heroism and you are the star.
Many people think that Family Spirituality is about how
to raise children with respect to religious traditions. That is only part of
spirituality. Family spirituality is different from religious affiliation.
Little has been written about the vital interior space of spirituality among
family members. Spirituality in this space is deeply personal and shows who we
are. It is not morality--that has more to do with how we treat others in our
public life. It is not a rite of passage or a lesson, but a life. Living a
heroic life means to give our living spiritual presence to our families. Spirituality means being informed by the
spirit of God (or what ever you define the essence outside of yourself), and
speaks to the reality of a spiritual world.
Heroism means doing the right thing in the moments of our
daily life, not classic heroic moments (although welcomed). Spiritual
leadership at home earns a special place in children's formation, especially in
their imagination. Refining our children's spiritual imagination is essential;
it will become their storehouse, a granary, for making choices about the way
they will face loss or triumph. Their imaginations will be shaped by the world
we present them. Children need to hear not only what we believe in, but also
what we long for, what we hope for. Speaking kindly (or just not speaking
harshly) about someone who has angered us. Being responsible
for our behaviors and our own feelings. Working to
clear up a misunderstanding. Tell someone you are
sorry. Ask for what you need. Making healthy choices for
living.
Universal elements of
spirituality
1.
Giving our
children a relationship with nature.
2.
Cultivating
in children a capacity to observe.
3.
Model and
cultivate the ability to listen.
4.
Creativity
and imagination: helping them create
something out of what they have seen or heard.
5.
Responding
with Gratitude.
T.
Tolan, 1998. Adapted from: The Art of Family by Gina Bria
The
Family Practice of Spirituality
Spirituality is
acknowledging that we are connected, and how we are connected to
everything. It is about remembering who
you are and what you want your children to learn: love, connect to oneself, how to make meaning
in their life, respect for all life, values and virtue, caring for others, conflict resolution and communication
skills. Spirituality is consciously
thinking and behaving in alignment with your values, goals and commitments. It is having intentions, forethought.
T. Tolan, 1995 Family Spirit
Family Spirituality.
There are many things we can do to join our children in their spiritual lives
and to foster its development. First is to take your children's questions
seriously. Honor these wonderings for what they are: serious intellectual
work. Wonder with them. Ask them how they know that. Listen to them. Reflect
what you hear theym saying. Share what you believe
and why you believe, give them the space to develop their own believes, meaning
do not demand that your children believe as you do.
You can pray in their presence. Offer thanks over meals
or gathering of friends. At the end of the day, share what you are grateful
for, both in your child and in the day that you are completing.
We can provide them with time to pray/worship or meditate
with us, but also provide them time to pray/worship or meditate on their own
because children, too, need this and not get stuck on watching spiritual
professionals. A big rock is a good place to sit and pray/meditate, looking out
at the world. The natural world, not the man-made world provides us with the
right proportions, the right perspective.
Listening and being a loving family is a form of pray and
worship and is asking questions. Read aloud, together from favorite stories and
religious texts. The simple act of reading can be a spiritual experience.
Playing musical instruments together is great fun, but
also spiritually binding, from tribal drums to Handel chorus, music pierces us.
If you don't play an instrument, You can sing. Your
music together doesn't have to be of spiritual text. The act of singing itself
is an act of vulnerability, another way to be with each other, open to each
other. If you don't sing, or hum, listen to music together.
Laughter, fun and comedy.
Laughter is food for the soul. Learning to laugh at oneself, the irony of life
and mistakes is an important coping skill.
Develop or renew
family traditions. Meals together, tea at a certain time
everyday. One family has popcorn for dinner every Sunday evening. as a contemporary twist on Sabbath rest, we have high tea on
Sunday evenings. Certain plates and platters come out just for this event. They
are nothing more than thrift shop finds, but once they hit the table, they
become heroic, met with expectations and excitement. We light candles, sing,
and nibble on treats. come measles or tax time, we
still relish our tea together.
T. Tolan, 1998. Adapted
from: The Art of Family by Gina Bria
Introductions.
Name and one reason why you think it is important to
discuss spirituality with
children.
Instruments.
Universal Characteristics
Developmental Stages
Intentional Parenting
Conscious
Parenting.
African
Story Tree of Life.
Intentionality--Parenting
As A Spiritual Discipline
Intentions remind us of what is important. When we form the intention to do something,
and that intention in turn informs our choices and our actions, the chances
that we will be sensitive to what is important in our lives increase greatly,
and we are more likely to see the big picture.
Our intentions serve as blueprints, allowing us give shape and direction
to our efforts, and to assess how we are doing as we work at developing
something worthy of ourselves and our lives. so at
some point, whenever that is, we have to decide what is really important for
us, and then to work at constantly keeping that framework in mind as things
unfold.
In mindful parenting, certain
principles are important to affirm from the very beginning. This does not mean
that if we already have children, it is too late to become more mindful in our
parenting. It means that we begin, when we are ready, wherever we are in our
lives, and work with the here and now, formulating the intentions that are
important for us to affirm and to implement, and that are realistic. not only is it never too late to introduce
mindfulness into our lives, the very moment that we make the conscious
commitment to do so becomes the perfect moment to begin.
INTENTION ONE: I will bring my entire creative genius to the
work of mindful parenting.
INTENTION TWO I will see parenting as a spiritual
discipline, meaning that it provides me with every necessary opportunity to
cultivate wisdom and openheartedness in myself, so that I may come to know and
express my true nature and share what is best in me with my children and the
world.
INTENTION THREE: I will cultivate mindfulness and discernment
in my daily life, especially with my children, using an awareness of my
breathing to ground me in the present moment.
INTENTION FOUR; I will make every effort to see who my
children actually are, and to remember to accept them for who they are at every
age, rather than be blinded by my own expectations and fears. By making a
commitment to live my own life fully and to work at seeing and accepting myself
as I am, I will be better able to accord a similar acceptance to my
children. In this way, I can help them
to grow and to realize their full potential as unique beings.
INTENTION FIVE: I will make every effort to see things from
each child's point of view and understand what my children's needs are, and to
meet them as best I can.
INTENTION
SIX. I will use whatever comes up
in my own life and in the lives of my children, including the darkest and most
difficult times, as "grist for the mill" to grow as human being to
that I am better able to understand my children, their soul needs, and what's
required of me as a parent.
INTENTION SEVEN: I will fold these intentions into my heart,
and commit myself to putting them into practice as best I can, everyday, and in
appropriate ways that feel right to me and that honor my children's
sovereignty, and my own.
Every Day Blessings: The Inner work of Mindful Parenting, Jon
Kabat-Zinn and Myla Kabat-Zinn
Spirituality is acknowledging that we are connected, and how we are
connected to everything. It is about
remembering who you are and what you want your children to learn: love, connect to oneself, how to make meaning in their
life, respect for all life, values and virtue, caring for others, conflict resolution and communication skills.
T. Tolan, 1995 Family Spirit
Healthy Family
Characteristics
What would spiritual family characteristics
look like? How is your family the most important foundation
for your children's
development. Conscious
parenting.
Strengths
Model. Focus on
positive. Each person, each child is
unique and has a gift
to offer the world...to be nurtured. Gift of Self Esteem.
Parenting from the heart. Caring
for others, empathy.
Rules, Family rules. Learning
self discipline
and respect. Consequence, responsibility and accountability
Communication. Intentional Dialogue,
Reflective Listening. Listening to God, Talking to God, praying.
Values. How do we teach our children values. Which values do we want to teach them
Goals
and Family Time. What kind of relationship do you want with
your child? What does
family time look
like? What are my spiritual
goals? What are my parenting
goals? Family
Statements
Parenting
as a spiritual practice. Staying present with your
connection to God through the tasks and demands of guiding and caring for
children. Staying present with the needs of your
children and your own needs. Centering, grounding, meditating.
continue to strive and search for spiritual growth by
studying religious teachings and philosophies in those rare moments in between
the demands of parenting.
T. Tolan/S. Perkins Family Spirit 1994
Waldorf / Stiener Your Are Your Child's First Teacher, Rahima
Baldwin.
0-1st
year: rapid physical development as
well as beginning of social and emotional foundations of love and trust which
provide the foundation for all other development.
1-2nd
year: physical mastery of his or her
body, developing language; the emergence of individuality
and
personal power and the growing sense of "I". The task for parent is to encourage balanced
development. That is to encourage the mastery of physical
skills, emotional development through
relationship
with parents and intellectual development through exploring the world around
them.
It is very important to have rhythm, in the early stages and continue
on through all the stages.
2
– 3 Beginnings of Imaginative Play
3 – 7 Development of Fantasy and Creative Play
0
– 7 Metabolic/limb system Willing/Movement/Imitation
7
– 14 Heart/lung/rhythmic system Feeling/Imagination
14
– 21 Nerves/sense/head system Thinking/Analysis
Blessingway for Aliye
When friends arrive, ask
them to write a blessing for either Aliye, or Theresa
and Dan
1. Circle (in living room) Opening with the
four/seven directions. (
2. Introductions and how people know us
(Sara)
3. Statement of Intention (Sara
In
Dan and Theresa are inviting you to help us create
a sacred ritual with the same intention of the Blessingway. We honor that although women actually birth
the child, the birthing process necessitates both female (nurturing) and male
(warrior) energy. Both
Mothers and Fathers as well as Friends and Community are essential in
the parenting and nurturing of a child through their life. We ask that you our friends and
community to join us to create a sacred
space around the birth process, building and connecting spiritual strength, to
ensure the safe birth of Aliye and welcoming of our
daughter.
4. Support and Strengthening Theresa and Dan
for the Birth process.
Women go to the baby's room, men go to computer room or outside (45 min- 1 hr.)
For Women
With each person taking a
turn, wrapping yarn around their left wrist several times while share her name
and the names of their female lineage as far back as she remembers. (May name children). After the woman has wrapped her wrist
she is invited to share a story of a birth (her own, a physical, mental or
spiritual birth) (~5
minutes a piece). The yarn is passed. repeat process. Ending with the mother. Scissors are passed and yarn symbolizes
our connection to each other a mother/female spirit and women are invited to
wear the yarn as solidarity and support for the mother until the baby is born.
5. Together again (
Circle: Share
blessings aloud and put in basket.
6. Labor Visualization. (Sara)
Ask everyone to join in visualizing the actual labor and
birth process, sharing and dispensing of the labor pain and opening of the
heart and birth canal as Aliye enters the world.
7. Ground the energy (four directions)
Sharing
the meal.